Why Our Minds Love to Scare Us
October is a good month for scary stories. Ghosts, haunted houses, creepy movies, things that go bump in the night. But honestly, our minds can come up with scarier stories before breakfast.
Your boss sends a message asking if you have a few minutes to talk tomorrow, and suddenly you’re mentally reviewing everything you’ve done at work for the past month. Someone you care about doesn’t text back, and your brain starts filling in the blanks. You notice an unexpected expense and somehow end up imagining a financial crisis that hasn’t happened.
No ghosts required.
Nothing terrible has actually happened, but your mind has already written the plot, cast the characters, and jumped ahead to the worst possible ending.
The I-System is a pretty convincing storyteller
Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of incomplete information and anticipate what might happen next. That’s useful when there’s an actual problem to solve. But uncertainty also gives the I-System plenty of material to work with.
In Mind-Body Bridging® (MBB), we learn to recognize when the I-System becomes active and our attention gets pulled into stories about ourselves, other people, or what might happen next.
Take a simple message from your boss: Can we talk tomorrow? That’s what you actually know. Your boss wants to talk tomorrow.
But maybe there’s a Requirement underneath your reaction: My boss should be happy with my work, or I shouldn’t make mistakes. Suddenly, a simple message has a much bigger meaning.
Then the scary story begins:
I must have done something wrong.Your boss hasn’t said any of those things. Your I-System just wrote an entire psychological thriller based on one message.
Meet the Depressors
In MBB, Depressors are negative storylines that can show up when the I-System is active. They can be especially convincing because they’re happening in our own voice:
Something bad is going to happen.I messed this up.
They’re upset with me.
I’m never going to get ahead.
I should’ve known better.
One Depressor can lead to another, and pretty soon we aren’t responding only to what actually happened. We’re reacting to an entire story about what might happen.
The body can join the production too. Your stomach tightens, your shoulders tense, your heart beats faster, or you have trouble concentrating. The monster may be imaginary, but the stress response can feel very real.
And because that feeling is uncomfortable, we often start looking for a way to make it stop.
Here come the Fixers
Maybe you reread the message ten times looking for clues. You check whether your boss is online. You text a coworker to ask if they’ve heard anything. You mentally review every interaction from the past week. By bedtime, you’ve prepared an opening statement for a meeting that hasn’t happened.
These can be Fixers, the things we do to try to make the discomfort go away or get the situation back to how we think it should be.
Again, the behavior itself isn’t necessarily the problem. Preparing for a meeting can be useful. Checking your finances after an unexpected bill makes sense. Reaching out to someone you care about is normal.
The question is whether the action is actually useful or whether the I-System has you running around the haunted house opening every door.
Sometimes Fixers feed the scary story because every time we check, reread, rehearse, or search for reassurance, we give the I-System even more attention.
Defuse before you investigate the basement
This is where learning to Recognize and Defuse I-System activity can help.
Defusing doesn’t mean proving the scary thought wrong. If your mind says, My boss is going to fire me, you don’t have to replace it with My boss definitely loves me and everything will be fine. You don’t know either of those things.
Instead, recognize what’s happening. That’s a Depressor. Maybe you can see the Requirement underneath it too. Then notice whether any Fixers have started showing up.
Putting a name to the activity helps create some separation between you and the story. The thought can exist without automatically becoming a fact you have to solve.
From there, you can Bridge. Coming to Your Senses is one way to shift some attention away from I-System activity and reconnect with the present. Notice what you can see around you. Listen for sounds. Feel your feet against the floor or notice another physical sensation.
Then ask yourself a simple question: What do I actually know right now?
Maybe your boss wants to talk tomorrow. You don’t know why. Your friend hasn’t responded yet. You don’t know what they’re doing. You have an unexpected expense. You don’t yet know exactly how you’ll handle it.
That distinction matters. Defusing helps you recognize the scary storyline without automatically believing it, while Bridging helps bring your attention back to what’s actually happening.
Save the scary stories for Halloween
Our minds will probably keep coming up with worst-case scenarios. The goal isn’t to never have another anxious or negative thought. It’s recognizing when the I-System has taken a little bit of information and turned it into a full-length horror movie.
The next time that happens, see if you can catch the story before you become completely absorbed in it. Recognize the Requirement. Notice the Depressors and Fixers. Defuse what you can and Bridge back to what’s actually happening.
And maybe don’t investigate that mysterious noise in the basement alone.
Some scary stories really do belong in October.
Ready to take some of the scare out of your I-System?
You don’t have to wait for your mind to write its next horror story to practice MBB. Join an upcoming Building Resilience workshop or learn more about our free individual sessions. We’ll leave the scary stuff to Halloween.